Of Grandmamaness (it's a word if I say so)

I am still getting the knack of this grandparent thing...even though I now have four of those blessings...even though they will be One, Two, Three and Four in 2012.

I find myself contemplating not only the privilege, but the responsibility, that is involved with being "Grandmama". I wonder at the strange, new love for my offspring's offspring. I pray about the type and amount of influence that comes with this title. What effect might my life, my attitudes, and my example have on them?  What will they remember about their time with me when I've left this life?


One thing that I've particularly noticed about myself is the freedom with which I am able to love, nurture, and discipline these little people. And, as I pondered the reason, I think it is simply that, ultimately, they are not my responsibility. They will neither reflect well nor poorly upon me. I cannot be embarrassed by them, as I might have been by my own children, at times. Wisdom of years and experience lends itself to this "free" feeling, as well. I've traveled this path before...it feels vaguely familiar, yet, surprisingly new. Free from the 24-hour duty, I have time to listen, to share, to read. I often wish I was able to be more playful; but, that's where "Grandpa" comes in. I always did count on him for that, even when we were young parents ourselves.


There is a delicate balance, however, as I strive to respect boundaries, philosophies and standards set by their parents. It is my fervent desire never to cross the line which would undermine the course their parents have charted for parenting their children.  I want to be a valuable support to my children...an aid, an assistant, a booster. Since every parent and every child and every home is a unique entity, this requires discernment and prayer, self-control and humility, patience and love.


Much, much love.

Dish Pan Mind

Swishing dishes through the warm bubbles allows... no, it actually promotes philosophical thinking.


I'm thinking of the incredible energy expended by the steady stream of hummingbirds at my kitchen window, just to sustain them for their next trip to the feeder. And, how like them we are in our daily rounds to earn our living.


I'm thinking of the round lumps of soft bread dough rising to their full potential on my stove. And, my sons and daughters being stretched in the process of rising to their fullest potential.


The roar of the little window air conditioner, straining to keep this trailer at a comfortable 83*, is no match for Ethan's "roaring" in his tall chair. He wants to talk. He will talk...someday.


These dishes represent good food eaten together. Not just full bellies, but full hearts, as we share the events of the day and things that matter most.


I had best return to those jars I left soaking and to my dish pan musings.

Twitter-tweets, Chats and Texts...

but are we really communicating?

Language is a fascinating phenomenon. There are approximately 6900 known languages world-wide, not to mention various dialects within each language, as well as lingo pertaining to a particular trade or profession. It is not the words themselves that concern me; but, how we use them.

Are we understandable?

 

The technological advances in communication have been extraordinary during my lifetime. And, yet, I am observing, more and more,  that we are forgetting how to speak and write properly.  Most of the tweets, chats and texts I've seen are choppy, full of abbreviations or codes, and lack capitalization or punctuation. And, that makes perfect sense, when you are typing on a device the size of the palm of your hand (or smaller).  What concerns me is: what if the current generation is actually forgetting how to talk in complete sentences and to think complete thoughts?

Our family enjoys words: Big words, little words, expressive words, unusual words, descriptive words.  Communication has been an integral part of our marriage and our parenting.  We believe in honesty, yet discretion and respectfulness; "say what you mean, mean what you say"; "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"; using words "to edification, and exhortation, and comfort." (1 Corinthians 14:3)

It figures that when there is a misunderstanding, it is particularly troubling. Miscommunication can occur for so many reasons: carelessness, false assumptions, and lack of charity are among them.  Communication is a two-way street. It is not only talking, but listening and  understanding.

   

We are familiar with the Bible verses that instruct us in our speech;  

Ephesians 4:29: Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 

Ecclesiastes 10:12:  Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips. 

Matthew 12:34:   For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 

Ephesians 5:4:  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 

Colossians 3:8: But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 

Colossians 4:6: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

 

but, what about the way we listen?

1 Thessalonians 5:11 : Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

Proverbs 10:19 : When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 17:27:  A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

Proverbs 29:20: Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

To be effective, communication must have clear speech and receptive listening, whether it be a tweet, a chat, a text, a letter or a conversation.

 

I have been reminded recently of the importance of giving the benefit of the doubt, not jumping to false conclusions, and assuming the best about the intentions of others ... 

" And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:14) "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:3)

"I Love You"

My 14 year old son seized the opportunity of a fogged bathroom mirror to leave me a love note. Was I overjoyed? Did the sight bring  tears to my eyes? Was my heart moved? Not exactly. My response was something like this: "If you really love me, you wouldn't create more work for me by writing on the mirror."  Of course, I softened it with "That was sweet. I love you, too; but..."

I just stepped out of the shower, and saw his message again, this morning. And, I was moved. I was also convicted. I thought of the mothers whose children preceded them in death, and how those words smeared onto the mirror would be a treasure to them.  Why do we wait until we have lost something to realize how precious it is to us?!  Why would a perfectly smudge-free mirror be more important to me than an expression of endearment from a teen-aged son? It is not!

I won't be in a hurry to clear and clean that mirror any time soon. I cherish those words. I cherish that boy's heart of love.

I love you, too, Micah. No "but"s about it! 

Be Safe!

Doesn't it seem as though we mothers are preoccupied with safety? When it comes to our children, safety, health and happiness rate very highly.

Most of our admonitions are exclamations such as "Be careful!", "Watch out!", "Slow down!"
I believe that God put that protective concern in the heart of parents, especially mothers, for a good reason. We tend to think of parents who don't teach or look after their children's safety as being neglectful.  I am one of those mothers who is prone to think of every possible bad thing that could happen in any given circumstance, and takes measures to preclude it. I don't remember if my mother was this way, or not.  Where I was exposed to the endless lists of precautions, I have no idea. But, I know them all, and teach them diligently. I don't think of it as irrational fear or excessive worry...just...well, just doing my job to protect my loved ones from harm, whether it be physical or emotional.  And then, I hear of one life lost in an accident, a mishap, a moment of distraction; and I am ever more determined never to allow that to happen to my child, if it is in my power to prevent it.

But, if I am honest, I know that it isn't always in my power. "Bad" things happen. Pain happens. Illness happens. Lives are hurt. Lives are lost. 

Even after our best efforts to protect.

As I pondered all of the above, with specific concerns innumerated, I thought of this hymn:

"Safe in the arms of Jesus, Safe on His gentle breast, There by His love o'er-shadowed, Sweetly my soul shall rest."

How important it is to prepare our children for that haven of rest!  That is the only, the eternal place of safety.  All of us will go down the valley, one by one...some after long lives with few incidents, some "cut down" in their youth...but, eventually, all will succumb to death, one way or another. My Mama-heart cannot protect forever; but I know the One Who does!  I am reminding myself today of the most important rule of safety: John 3:16 

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

It is my God-given responsibility to teach my children not to run with scissors in their hands, not to cross the street without looking both ways, not to take candy from strangers, etc., etc.

But, more than that, it is my privilege to introduce them to the Savior of their souls.

"For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock." 

Psalm 27:5